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At the crossroads

  • Published
  • By Maj. Jay D. Johnson
  • 386th Expeditionary Maintenance Squadron
SCOTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. --  During our lives we are all presented with choices, small and large. Most of these choices go unnoticed throughout our daily activities. 

We encounter choices such as our level of work production--fast, slow, conscientious or carefree--moods we portray--friendly, sad, mad or cheerful--how we respond to co-workers and even what we eat. Some choices will be trivial, while others may have a lasting effect on us. 

I approached one major crossroad in my life around my mid-30s. At the time, I was in the fast lane of my life, making more money than I thought possible. I had a beautiful, successful wife, many friends, a loving family and the business world by the tail. 

However, for weeks I had fought with a dry cough and an overall feeling of being tired and totally drained of energy. I made a pivotal decision to see my family doctor. After a few tests, I was brought in and told without emotion and very sternly that I had cancer. I was also told that the disease had aggressively progressed through my body and if I didn't take immediate action, I wouldn't survive until the end of the month. It was like entering the autobahn from a dirt road on a bicycle. That was a road I had not expected to face in my life, at least not at such a young age. I was at a serious crossroad and I had to make quick and decisive choices. 

The initial path I chose was denial and to be bitter about the news presented to me. I had an overall feeling of self pity and wondered, "How can this happen to me?" I felt I had little or no control over the situation, and I started down the path without a lot of hope. I was almost to the point of, "Why bother?" I checked into the hospital the morning after the diagnosis filled with fear and loneliness. It felt like I was all by myself and I had been given a rotten hand in the game of life. I didn't realize at the time, but I still had choices to make at this critical crossroad in my life. 

A few days later, still in my self-induced "pity party," a nurse was assigned to me that would make a huge impact on my life. She would show me that I still had complete control of my destiny and would ultimately help me to survive the disease and have a brighter outlook on life itself. She told me she had worked with patients like me over the past six years and saw all different types of attitudes and whichever I chose would make the difference in my future. 

It was advice that at first was hard to take. "What did she know about how I felt and how could I make a difference at this point?" 

The same nurse came to me a few days later and asked me, "What would you do different today if I told you that your results showed you were improving?" I responded that I would be overwhelmed, relieved and feel like I had this disease whipped. Her response was, "Then act like the results that just came back showed you were getting better, not worse." She told me to not accept a negative image in my mind that anything other than complete recovery exists. She then left the room for me to think by myself.
That was toughest part. 

I realized that very night that my attitude was the biggest influence on whether or not I would survive this. I needed to control my thoughts and maintain a positive attitude and outlook at this crossroad in order to survive. 

To make this story somewhat shorter, I used her words to not only survive the disease, but also to be here and deployed for the Air Force 13 years later. 

What did I learn? I realized that your mind and attitude are your biggest ally or your worst enemy. I realized that at the time of my cancer crossroad no matter how bad things seemed, they could get worse or they could get better; it was up to me. 

Control your thoughts and focus on your end result in everything you do. If you stay focused on the negative, then more than likely your results are negative. A positive outlook and continued focus on the right things falling into place will give you the positive results you desire. Your thoughts will equal the outcome.