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Your family, your career, your choice…choose wisely

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Eric Duncan
  • 375th Contracting Squadron commander
SCOTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. --  Serving in the military can place a lot of demands on us. Sometimes though, we are so busy focusing on our jobs, we forget that military life can be tough on our families as well. To emphasize its commitment to families, the Air Force implemented The Year of the Air Force Family program, which wrapped up in July. It was a great campaign, but our families need and deserve more than that.

My dad passed away last January, and apart from the pain of losing him, I struggle with guilt that I wasn't around much and didn't spend enough time with him. We talked on the phone almost daily, but that will never replace the foregone time together. I've been in the Air Force now for over 17 years and it always seemed there was some job-related excuse that kept me away. As I look back, I regret some of the choices I made.

We hear these kinds of thoughts all the time from people who lose a loved one, yet we rarely make any changes in our own lives to prevent us from experiencing those same feelings. Instead, we say "I'm just too busy," "there will be time later," or my favorite, "I'm too important to the organization and the mission will suffer if I'm gone."

I now realize that there may not always be time later. Our kids grow up quickly and life is short. I've heard "things are busier than ever" for as long as I've been in the Air Force, and I really doubt things are going to slow down anytime soon, if ever. Yes, we are busy and we all play key roles, but do you really believe that your occasional absence will have such a devastating impact on your unit that aircraft will fall out of the sky and the Air Force mission will fail? If so, you may be surprised to know that the Air Force was flying, fighting and winning long before you joined and will continue to do so long after you're gone.

Balancing family and career can be tough, but I once read an enlightening article by an Army Brigade Commander on the difference between "Important" vs. "Urgent." The author provided three rules to consider before missing any event (professional or personal):

1) It is important to someone who's important to you;
2) Your personal presence makes a difference; and
3) The opportunity is not going to come around again.

If those three conditions are satisfied, you should have a pretty good idea as to what you should do. The holidays are a great time to re-emphasize your commitment to your family, but don't limit your involvement to this time of year. More than knowing the Air Force supports them, our families need us to be there for them. Beyond the financial support, they deserve our attendance at student teacher conferences, sporting events and graduations, taking part in birthdays and anniversaries and basically being an active participant in their lives and not just a picture on their mantle. No one ever said it will be easy, but your choices may determine whether you run out of family before you run out of career.